For some time, I was helplessly and completely engaged in my gambling addiction. I could not stop no matter what; win or lose. My compulsion to gamble was so great, I was losing sleep, my mood was greatly affected, people close to me knew something was off, my work suffered, every waking idle minute was used to gamble, our family finances quickly fell off a cliff, and above all, my stress level was always a 10 out of 10.
Each and every day during that time, I deceived myself and many others and believed I could find the willpower on my own to stop. Finally, I sought and received the help I so desperately needed to begin recovery from the disease. That decision, that choice, was ultimately mine and to date was the best decision I have made since I first began storing memories as a child. This is where I began likening my experience to that of a soldier.
The veteran in the video says it out loud and clear that during the battle(s) he found himself in, that he was in good relationship with and trusted God, his Higher Power. He said, “I was in a state of grace.” In other words, he trusted and felt secure in his relationship with the One who has all power. In his human condition though, he admitted that going into battle (and we are all in a battle), he simply did not have all the tools, enough training, and was not well-equipped.
He was even confused as to where he was going and exactly what he’d be doing in the near future; all those thoughts are what he wrestled with while on the journey. Recovery from addiction is a journey. When he finally heard the news of where it was that they were going and what they’d be doing and what they’d likely be up against, he realized that this is it, that “this is the real thing”. He and the other soldiers were “constantly under fire” the second they left the boat. Here and for me, the boat is that old “comfort” zone I found myself in while active in my addictions. In recovery, in life, all of us can say the same if we are being rigorously honest with ourselves! Finally, the man said, after all he had been through, that “he didn’t care whether I got the medal or not”. For me, that says he didn’t promote himself or his heroic actions. Rather, the attraction others felt to him, to his story, is what eventually got him the medal. The programs of recovery do the same…they choose not to promote, but to attract!