What my life was like:
I spent as much time as I could at the casino, I did not care really about anything else. I took short cuts to try and get out of participating at all in family things, Christmas, birthdays. Come on open those present so I can go. Any emotion I felt was a good reason to go to the Casino, fear, anger, frustration, love, happiness , loneliness, I used them all for an excuse. Until my life started to fall apart my family and friends did not want to be around me and our finances were gone. The feeling of escape and enjoyment no longer worked.
How things have changed:
I am no longer sitting at the casino, I am going to meetings, trying to share honestly how I am feeling and trying to learn to live life. I am spending time with family and earning trust back. I no longer take care of the money and ok with that. That one was a struggle for me. I have a sponsor and work the steps with her. I know today that I am human and will make mistakes, but that does not mean I am a mistake though.
Where I am today:
Most days I really enjoy my life without gambling. I can’t say that it is every day, because my first thought when something does not go my way, is still to gamble, but I know that gambling is not the answer to my problems anymore. There is a different solution and that is working with my sponsor, talking to other members of GA and realizing that this too shall pass. Not everything is going to go Susan’s way. Life just happens. I now know it is how I look at. Today I know that I have a GOD that loves me and friends and family that will help me deal with it.